Random Dozen, a.k.a. The Donut List

I stayed up late last night, and now I'm watching Hannah play. This is the best I can do for a new blog under the circumstances. Linda manages to come up with a great variety of questions, so it works for me.

1. What was the last song you listened to?
Something from a Christmas mix CD in the car this evening. The last one I remember is "Virgin's Lullaby" from the Nativity Story soundtrack.

2. Have you ever had “buyer’s remorse” over anything?
Oh, yeah. Countless clearance items that were a "steal" at the time and didn't ever seem to get picked from the closet. I'm working on being more discriminating about my clearance purchases. And leaving the tags on items as long as possible. I love returning...it's like making your money back.

3. What is something in your life that you are thankful for now that you didn’t think you would be at the time of the event (something that seemed ill-timed, inconvenient or hurtful which turned out to be a good thing)?
I can think of multiple answers to this question, but I'm deciding if I can come up with one is appropriate to share in this setting. I would say that I am thankful I stayed in Waverly. The first year...or two was really tough. I had a network of friends that I considered family in Springfield, and leaving was very difficult. I never wanted to stay in Waverly long anyway, so I kept my distance and therefore felt quite alone for a while. I never could have imagined what I would go through with some of the friends who became family here in Waverly, and now I feel as close to them as I did to my friends there. It's amazing how God can move in ways you never imagined.

Oh, and did I mention the fact that I met my husband in Waverly, 3 years after I moved here. It goes without saying, but God knew what He was doing.

4. Do you watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade every year? If so, do you have a favorite float or balloon?
I did as a kid, but it's been a while since I eagerly anticipated it. I don't mind if it's on in the background, but it doesn't terribly interest me anymore.

5. Share a quote, scripture, poem or lyric which has been an inspiration to you lately.
I pray not that you would find Jesus and He would give you everything you need, but that you would find Jesus and He would be enough. (paraphrase from Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church)

6. This is meant to be a fun question, and this is a G-rated blog, but please share a “guilty pleasure,” something that you enjoy that’s probably not the most edifying, time-worthy or healthy thing you could be indulging in. Did I mention this blog is rated G?
Sugar and plenty of it.

7. What Thanksgiving food are you looking forward to?
All of them? Actually, we're not with my family this year, and I'm not yet terribly familiar with Matt's family's traditional foods. I have made one or two things when we've been with them in years past, so I'll choose my dishes based on my cravings at the time I imagine.

8. What is your favorite book to read to children, or what was your favorite childhood book?
My mom says that my favorite book was the Kitty Book, and she bought it for my baby girl.

9. Do you collect anything? (Feel free to post a photo.)
I'm a stockpiler, so I could say that I collect lots of things. But I have no special collections to speak of.

10. Gift bags or wrapping paper?
I absolutely love wrapping gifts, but I end up using gift bags for time's sake more often.

11. Share an after-school memory from when you were younger. What was your routine like on an average day?
I remember the years when my mom ran a child care in the home. Coming home from school was great because there were all these cute little kids waking up from their naps to play with.

12. True story: Once, in a job interview, I was asked this question and told there would be no clarifying; I simply had to answer the question: “When you’re fishing, do you feel for the fish?” So what about you? Do you feel for the fish??
I thought about changing this to something different as I struggle to even know how to respond, but I respect the original poster, so I'll just say...no. Feeling for the fish sounds gross, so I wouldn't do it.

Trust

Trusting God can be such a learning process. Some circumstances in life have caused me to think more about what it means to trust God in painful, devastating times. Sometimes there are things that are so private that we are left to deal with them mostly alone, hopefully with a few select others that God provides. Some of these situations leave deep scars that take a long time to heal.

Last week I spent some time thinking about the leftover pain that can make it difficult to trust again; yes, even to trust God. I realized that, in order to trust God fully, I must release all my circumstances to Him. I must make peace with the fact that the same pain that came my way in the past could in fact recur should He see fit. I'm not saying that God sends painful, difficult circumstances our way, although sometimes I believe He does. But even if He sees fit to allow them to enter my life again, I must believe that He knows best. The problem comes when my self-protective instinct jumps in and decides that it would be better to not experience that depth of pain again. Anything is better than walking through that again, so I walk around on guard and doing everything I can to keep the pain and the pain-causing people at a distance. It's a natural reaction, but that doesn't mean it's the right response for a child of God. I should trust God enough to know that if He allows pain to come my way, it is for my good and His glory (see Romans 8:18 and 8:28).

His glory - I can get that one. My response to pain can bring Him glory. My attitude in pain can bring Him glory. My choice to use pain to push me closer to Him brings Him glory.

My good - this one is much harder to grasp. I forget how closely "my good" and "His glory" are related. I also have a tendency to look at "my good" in a childish way; anything that makes me happy and fits exactly into my expectations is good in my simplistic definition. How quickly I forget the great good that has come from great pain. It's hard to admit, but it's true in many ways.

I have a choice every day. Will I trust myself to figure out the best way to make it through this life? Or will I trust my Father, the One who loved me before I was born and loves me more than I can imagine? Do I really trust Him? When I consider what it means to give it all up in trusting Him, I struggle some days to answer in the affirmative. I'm not perfect, but thanks be to God who knows my going out and my lying down; He is familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, He knows it. He hems me in behind and before; He has laid His hand upon me.*

To know Him is to trust Him. Oh, Lord, I want to know You more.

*Adapted from Psalm 139:3-5.

Random Dozen

I really haven't taken part in Linda's Random Dozen too often, but it is so fun to read others that I thought I would go for it again.

1. It's early morning, about 2:00AM, and you're driving home. You come to a red light and sit there. There is no one in sight for miles around. Do you wait it out or run the light? Would I ever be driving home at 2 a.m.? That's hard to understand when I go to bed around 10 every night. But if I happened to find myself in this situation, I would most definitely wait it out. I am a rule follower to the death.

2. If you had the chance to re-do the last 24 hours, would you change anything? Oh, probably. I'd rather not think too much about it, though.

3. When you reply to someone's comment on your blog, do you reply in your comments or go to her blog and comment? (Or email her) Hmm...I usually respond on my blog I guess. I don't do it too often, though. I'm not on the Internet enough.

4. Your favorite Disney movie is: I'm so bad at favorites! Either Aladdin, Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast. Or probably something else that I can't remember right now.

5. Do you recycle? I do pop bottles and cans, but not anything else.

6. Games of strategy or games of chance? Strategy. Forget chance...I want to show what I've got!

7. Do you have any recurring dreams? Not that I know of.

8. What did you learn from your first real job? Patience. I baby-sat for a summer when I was 12, three kids who weren't all that much younger than me. That was quite a challenge!

9. Do you buy or borrow most books? It's probably split. I absolutely love to buy books, but I'm trying to check out more from the library to save money.

10. What fashion trend of the past did you say you'd never wear again but did? Wow...I'm really boring on this set of questions. I can't think of anything here, either!

11. When do you start Christmas shopping? Whenever I can find stuff, but I haven't started yet this year.

12. Have you ever been so happy that you literally jumped up and down for a few seconds? If so, what was the occasion? Yes. I get this happy fairly often. I remember jumping all over Tina's deck with her when I told her I was pregnant. That was fun.

In Full Swing

I'm 21 weeks today! What a week it has been. I have definitely been more emotional during the pregnancy (thank you, pregnancy hormones), but this week has been off the charts.

Monday: We went home for lunch. I grabbed a few fun size candy bars to take upstairs with me. I was finishing the Twix when I looked down and noticed my M&M's were gone. I turned to my husband and saw the M&M's in his hand. "Are you eating my M&M's?" I asked. (It was probably more like, "ARE YOU EATING MY M&Ms??!?!?!?!?!" Or something like that.) "I was going to get you more," he said. "I think that's the last ONE!" I replied. I was starting to tear up, and I realized how ridiculous this must be. Crying over M&Ms? I can get more, for crying out loud. (Sorry. That was bad.) I sucked it up and went downstairs before we left. I found one last package of M&Ms, thank God. He was definitely watching out for me.

Tuesday: The computer guy comes in to work. I already have issues with this man. He is so full of himself. He loves to impress himself with his computer talk. Give me a break. Anyway, I don't want to get into the whole story, but suffice it to say that I was steaming after he had been in the lab for 5 minutes. I could barely keep it in...Tina and I exchanged many looks as I let him ask a few questions. Finally I left for lunch, but it took a couple of hours just to cool off. The best part of the day was that Tina brought me a bag of M&M's (plain AND peanut!) after lunch.

Then my husband ate one.

He's a brave man.

Wednesday: Nothing happened today. I just wanted to cry most of the morning for no real reason.

I'm not sure I want to know what tomorrow will bring. The emotional pendulum is in full swing here in pregnant-land!